Wednesday, 20 June 2012

What a complete Cant!

Today's anti smoking Jihad comedy piece comes from the above named Dr James Cant who has had to concede defeat with Violet Phillips after she celebrated her hundredth year on this planet-eighty eight of them as a smoker! Can you already hear the despairing wails emanating from Frederick Street in Edinburgh as ASH (Scotland) try and come to terms with this defiant phenomenon. I mean to say, how dare Violet defy all medical junkology and outlive hundreds of thousands of non smokers!
The Scottish Building Society, unlike ASH, were very happy to help their oldest customer celebrate a rare centenary and even provided a special cake for the occasion. Now that's what I call caring for your customers-such a shame that ASH et al can't do the same and allow people to enjoy themselves, even if it means the odd fag or ten!

Violet Phillips reckons her daily habit, which she started at just 12 years of age kept her free of illness by “killing germs” in her throat and lungs.Now there's a thing! She went on by saying:

 "I’ve kept fit by walking and cycling and there’s nothing like the feeling when you’re tired to have a sit down and a smoke."

Now there speaks a true smoker, a smoker who knows the value of a revivalist cigarette. 
But it gets better!
“I grew up in the country so I used to smoke to keep the midges away."
 Let us remind ourselves of the great but virtually ignored life's work of Dr Kitty Little. She actually proved that cancers increased alongside the increase in industrialisation and the increasing usage of diesel. Better still, the WHO have finally declared that exhaust fumes are carcinogenic.....halle-bloody-lujah baby, a truth has emerged from the hallowed portals better known as Avenue Appia 20 1211 Geneva 27.
This really is amazing because a 'fellow Cant' by the name of Dr Douglas Noble declared that 'sticking a hosepipe from the exhaust into your car was far safer than SHS in said car'. Now this 'Noble Cant' has so far failed to take up my challenge, for as a non smoker I did write to this BMA buffoon offering to test his theory out-providing (as a non smoker) I was forced to endure the car with SHS pumped in and not the car with exhaust fumes pumped in! To date, I have received no reply nor any date for this important scientific/medical test. Dr Noble has obviously concluded that he, like his Scottish compatriot, talks like a cant!
OK, coup de grace time folks as Scotlands apology of a 'Chief' of the northern version of the British Lung Foundation stated:

: “Violet’s story is extraordinary as very few smokers live to such an old age.
  The best birthday present she could give us is to finally quit the habit.”

It is 'extraordinary that anyone lives to be 100 years old in this day and age so why is it so weird that Violet managed it-even if she does enjoy a cigarette and has done for 88 years? She was brought up in the country...did you comprehend that bit 'JC' or did that sail straight over your barnet? Living in the country plays smack bang into Dr Kitty Little's exhaustive research (no pun intended but I do like that one ) as Violet was not privy to all the toxins emitted from motor vehicles as our youngsters in our towns & cities are today. In fact, the medical profession, in collusion with our government have refused to inform the public at large that our air pollution has totally failed EU guidelines and we have to cough up (ha ha) circa £300,000,000 for killing of our own people. Government keep moving the goalposts so as to avoid this idiotic fine from an organisation that ought to be renamed "SS Titanic". As it happens there are now more than 10,000 centenarians alive & kicking in this sad sack of a country so it is not all that remarkable that Violet followed suit last Wednesday! When you use 'their estimations' it follows that at least 25% of our centenarians are smokers or have smoked-so it hasn't affected their lifespans at all. No doubt the clan of Cants will put me right on that point, we'll wait and see! But it is his final statement that is the killer..... 
"The best birthday present she could give us is to finally quit the habit.”
This statement alone tells you that Dr James Cant is obviously the biggest Cant in the clan for only a complete and utter cant would advocate Violet giving up something that has done her no harm for 88 years and a life expectancy that is minimal. Once you've hit the ton, every day is simply a bonus-or does the stupidest cant in the land feel that Violet's smoking might shorten her life somewhat. Just think about it, if Violet lived to be 110 this silly (Dr) Cant would promptly declare that she should have lived 7 years longer-but she smoked! You couldn't make it up, you really couldn't .

(fantasy writer Enid Blyton)
Why would it be a present to anyone if she suddenly gave up her lifelong enjoyment ? Who is us ? Is it the family of Cants or is it the entire anti smoking 'cantish' movement that will certainly bankrupt this country. Are they really THAT desperate to add a notch to their already thinning gunbelts? I think they are. There is no other possible reason for such a Cantish statement.
We congratulate Violet and wish her many more years yet and only pray that she can stick two fingers up to the anti smoking Jihad who will simply dance around the camp fire when she finally passes, singing 'Violets gone, Violet's gone, smoking kills, smoking kills', because Dr James Cant, an apology for a democratic human being, is just one of thousands of silly anti smoking cants this land is now blighted with.

Rock on Violet

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations Violet. Henry Allingham aged 115 put his long life down to cigarettes, whisky and wild women.