Tuesday, 29 December 2009

"That Question...!"

Freedom2choose, above all others, have dominated the fight against the smoking ban-that evil, destructive & socially devastating piece of legislation engineered by the health lobbyists and implemented by the weakest, lilly-livered set of politicians ever incarcerated in the House of Commons.
But, today, a ray of light harpooned the smokers darkness. Licensees must see this as their chance of salvation. Working men's clubs must be looking skyward for the sign of benediction.
"Conservative Home" listed a lengthy questionairre today and to the joy of about 13 million discriminated against souls, not to mention thousands of struggling licensees, this popped up.....

Private clubs should be allowed to have smoking rooms
O... Agree
O...Don't know

Now, if we cast our minds back in time, wasn't this the part of the Labour manifesto pre-ban? Didn't Patricia Hewitt take part in a meeting with the Leicester WMC's to hear the multitude of concerns they had if they were included in the ban?...and...Didn't she go back to London and vote for the ban (without exemptions) thus reneging on the manifesto?
Since this Draconian law was enacted the misery caused has been unparallelled in British polical history, including the ultimate price for some. 4 suicides.
The health lobby worked incessantly to bring about this ban.
freedom2choose have worked even harder to have this ban reformed.
I say reformed simply because reform is the only just and proper course of action.

Anti smokers and those that do not enjoy the pleasant aroma of tobacco (burning or not) do indeed have the right to enjoy socialising in a smoke free environment. But against that, smokers also have the right to enjoy their preferred social environment. It's called Human Rights.

Equally, licensees should have the right to choose how to run their businesses, thus if they choose to prosper at the hands of smokers then sobeit, they allow smoking in their establishment.

Those that choose to remain smoke free will always have a certain amount of clientele. It is up to their own endeavours as to the numbers in their establishments.

Back to the question: Private clubs should be allowed to have smoking rooms.
Well of course they should, it was always in the Labour manifesto and should never have been dismissed. Working Men's clubs are the very core of our working class entertainment sector. The place where Henry Solly envisaged the 'sweated brow' relaxing with pint & fag after a hard days toil. The place where entertainment was affordable to the lower paid/classes. Every club (to the best of my knowledge) could set a room aside for smokers, or even divide a large room to cater for smokers. There is not a problem with this, it is the simple solution to combat a ridiculous law.

It would also be the salvation for hundreds of clubs, now suffering because of this law. Figures wise, we would tend to lose 2.2 clubs per annum for various reasons, but we have sacrificed 93 in 30 months because the law states that smokers are no longer welcomed-with their fags. Considering that it is the working classes who enjoy cigarettes the most it would seem that this law was purposely discriminatory against the working classes!

Some clubs are £2K per week down on takings, how much longer they can survive is questionable. Permitting private clubs a smoking room will be the salvation of this great institution. Of that I have no doubt.

The evidence which occasioned the SB law is shameful. Had a business been set up in the same way this law was engineered it would surely have found the SFS (Serious Fraud Squad) crawling all over it within a fortnight.
Lies, fabrications, manipulated statistics & junk science-that is what this law is based upon but the people are waking up.

Let's hope the Conservatives have finally done so too!
Just think of the votes they could muster from a promise like this!
Are you listening David?

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Named, Shamed - you 'Delete' them!

The following list of names are each and every T.U.R.D (Turbid, Useless Regional Directors!) that voted to restrict the freedoms of the working man. They are those misguidedly elected into power under the assumption that "they work for us"-they have never worked for us!
Happily, within the first 5 months of 2010, the majority of these 'turd's' will be forced to relinquish their hold on our daily lives for they have brought nothing but unhappiness to the table. They have caused the British people, 15 million of them, to completely change their way of life. Socialising has never been so uninspiring since July 1st, 2007, but the Valentines Day massacre in February, 2006 was the day of the SB vote in the House of Commons where the common man failed to matter anymore!

Ms Diane Abbott (Hackney North & Stoke Newington) Nick Ainger (Carmarthen West & Pembrokeshire South) Bob Ainsworth (Coventry North East) Douglas Alexander (Paisley and Renfrewshire South) Graham Allen (Nottingham North) David Anderson (Blaydon) Ms Janet Anderson (Rossendale & Darwen) Ms Hilary Armstrong (Durham North West) Ian Austin (Dudley North) John Austin (Erith & Thamesmead) Adrian Bailey (West Bromwich West) Ed Balls (Normanton) Gordon Banks (Ochil and South Perthshire) Celia Barlow (Hove) Kevin Barron (Rother Valley) John Battle (Leeds West) Hugh Bayley (York, City of) Mrs Margaret Beckett (Derby South) Ms Anne Begg (Aberdeen South) Sir Stuart Bell (Middlesbrough)
Hilary Benn (Leeds Central) Joe Benton (Bootle) Dr Roger Berry (Kingswood) Clive Betts (Sheffield Attercliffe) Mrs Liz Blackman (Erewash) Dr Roberta Blackman-Woods (City of Durham) Tony Blair (Sedgefield) Ms Hazel Blears (Salford) David Blunkett (Sheffield Brightside) Kevin Brennan (Cardiff West) Gordon Brown (Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath) Lyn Brown (West Ham) Nick Brown (Newcastle upon Tyne East & Wallsend) Russell Brown (Dumfries and Galloway) Des Browne (Kilmarnock & Loudoun) Chris Bryant (Rhondda) Ms Karen Buck (Regent’s Park & Kensington North) Richard Burden (Birmingham Northfield) Colin Burgon (Elmet) Andy Burnham (Leigh) Dawn Butler (Brent South)
Stephen Byers (Tyneside North) Liam Byrne (Birmingham Hodge Hill) Richard Caborn (Sheffield Central) David Cairns (Inverclyde) Martin Caton (Gower) Ian Cawsey (Brigg & Goole) Colin Challen (Morley & Rothwell) Ben Chapman (Wirral South) David Chaytor (Bury North) Michael Clapham (Barnsley West & Penistone) Katy Clark (Ayrshire North and Arran) Paul Clark (Gillingham) Charles Clarke (Norwich South) Tom Clarke (Coatbridge, Chryston and Bellshill) Ms Ann Clwyd (Cynon Valley) Vernon Coaker (Gedling) Harry Cohen (Leyton & Wanstead) Michael Connarty (Linlithgow and East Falkirk) Frank Cook (Stockton North) Rosie Cooper (West Lancashire) Ms Yvette Cooper (Pontefract & Castleford)
Jeremy Corbyn (Islington North) Jim Cousins (Newcastle upon Tyne Central) Mary Creagh (Wakefield) Ms Ann Cryer (Keighley) Mrs Claire Curtis-Thomas (Crosby) Alistair Darling (Edinburgh South West) Wayne David (Caerphilly) Ian Davidson (Glasgow South West) Ms Janet Dean (Burton) John Denham (Southampton Itchen) Jim Devine (Livingston) Parmjit Dhanda (Gloucester) Andrew Dismore (Hendon) Jim Dobbin (Co-op Heywood & Middleton) Frank Dobson (Holborn & St Pancras) Brian Donohoe (Central Ayrshire) Frank Doran (Aberdeen North) Jim Dowd (Lewisham West) David Drew (Stroud)
Mrs Gwyneth Dunwoody (Crewe & Nantwich) Ms Angela Eagle (Wallasey) Ms Maria Eagle (Liverpool Garston) Clive Efford (Eltham) Mrs Louise Ellman (Liverpool Riverside) Natascha Engel (Derbyshire North East) Jeff Ennis (Barnsley East & Mexborough) Paul Farrelly (Newcastle-under-Lyme) Jim Fitzpatrick (Poplar & Canning Town) Robert Flello (Stoke-on-Trent South) Ms Caroline Flint (Don Valley) Paul Flynn (Newport West) Ms Barbara Follett (Stevenage) Michael Jabez Foster (Hastings & Rye) Hywel Francis (Aberavon) Mike Gapes (Ilford South) Neil Gerrard (Walthamstow) Dr Ian Gibson (Norwich North) Mrs Linda Gilroy (Plymouth Sutton) Paul Goggins (Wythenshawe & Sale East) Nia Griffith (Llanelli) Nigel Griffiths (Edinburgh South) John Grogan (Selby) Andrew Gwynne (Denton & Reddish)
Peter Hain (Neath) Mike Hall (Weaver Vale) Patrick Hall (Bedford) Fabian Hamilton (Leeds North East) Ms Harriet Harman (Camberwell & Peckham) Mark Hendrick (Preston) Stephen Hepburn (Jarrow) John Heppell (Nottingham East) Stephen Hesford (Wirral West) Ms Patricia Hewitt (Leicester West) David Heyes (Ashton under Lyne) Meg Hillier (Hackney South & Shoreditch) Mrs Margaret Hodge (Barking) Sharon Hodgson (Gateshead East & Washington West) Jimmy Hood (Lanark and Hamilton East) Geoff Hoon (Ashfield) Phil Hope (Corby) Kelvin Hopkins (Luton North) George Howarth (Knowsley North & Sefton East) Dr Kim Howells (Pontypridd) Ms Beverley Hughes (Stretford & Urmston)
Mrs Joan Humble (Blackpool North & Fleetwood) Huw Irranca-Davies (Ogmore) Ms Glenda Jackson (Hampstead & Highgate) Sian James (Swansea East) Diana Johnson (Hull North) Dr Lynne Jones (Birmingham Selly Oak) Martyn Jones (Clwyd South) Sir Gerald Kaufman (Manchester Gorton) Ms Sally Keeble (Northampton North) Barbara Keeley (Worsley) Alan Keen (Feltham & Heston) Ms Ann Keen (Brentford & Isleworth) Fraser Kemp (Houghton & Washington East) Piara Khabra (Ealing Southall) Sadiq Khan (Tooting) David Kidney (Stafford) Peter Kilfoyle (Liverpool Walton) Jim Knight (Dorset South) Dr Ashok Kumar (Middlesbrough South & Cleveland East) Dr Stephen Ladyman (Thanet South) David Lammy (Tottenham) Mark Lazarowicz (Edinburgh North & Leith) David Lepper (Brighton Pavilion) Tom Levitt (High Peak) Ivan Lewis (Bury South) Martin Linton (Battersea) Tony Lloyd (Manchester Central) Andy Love (Edmonton) Ian Lucas (Wrexham) Steve McCabe (Birmingham Hall Green) Mrs Chris McCafferty (Calder Valley) Kerry McCarthy (Bristol East) Sarah McCarthy-Fry (Portsmouth North)
Ian McCartney (Makerfield) John McDonnell (Hayes & Harlington) Pat McFadden (Wolverhampton South East) John McFall (West Dunbartonshire) Jim McGovern (Dundee West) Ms Anne McGuire (Stirling) Ms Shona McIsaac (Cleethorpes) Ms Ann McKechin (Glasgow North) Ms Rosemary McKenna (Cumbernauld, Kilsyth and Kirkintilloch East) Andrew Mackinlay (Thurrock) Tony McNulty (Harrow East) Denis MacShane (Rotherham) Shahid Malik (Dewsbury) Ms Judy Mallaber (Amber Valley) John Mann (Bassetlaw) Rob Marris (Wolverhampton South West) David Marshall (Glasgow East) Robert Marshall-Andrews (Medway) Eric Martlew (Carlisle) Michael Meacher (Oldham West & Royton) Ms Gillian Merron (Lincoln) Alun Michael (Cardiff South & Penarth) Alan Milburn (Darlington) David Miliband (South Shields) Edward Miliband (Doncaster North) Andrew Miller (Ellesmere Port & Neston), Austin Mitchell (Great Grimsby) Ms Anne Moffat (East Lothian) Ms Laura Moffatt (Crawley) Chris Mole (Ipswich) Ms Madeleine Moon (Bridgend) Ms Jessica Morden (Newport East) Ms Julie Morgan (Cardiff North) Elliot Morley (Scunthorpe) George Mudie (Leeds East) Chris Mullin (Sunderland South) Ms Meg Munn (Sheffield Heeley) Jim Murphy (East Renfrewshire)
Paul Murphy (Torfaen) Dan Norris (Wansdyke) Eddie O’Hara (Knowsley South) Ms Sandra Osborne (Ayr, Carrick and Cumnock) Albert Owen (Ynys Mon) Nick Palmer (Broxtowe) Greg Pope (Hyndburn) Ms Bridget Prentice (Lewisham East) Gordon Prentice (Pendle) Ms Dawn Primarolo (Bristol South) Gwyn Prosser (Dover) Ken Purchase (Wolverhampton North East) James Purnell (Stalybridge & Hyde) Bill Rammell (Harlow) Nick Raynsford (Greenwich & Woolwich) Andy Reed (Loughborough) Jamie Reed (Copeland) Linda Riordan (Halifax) John Robertson (Glasgow North West) Terry Rooney (Bradford North) Chris Ruane (Vale of Clwyd) Joan Ruddock (Lewisham Deptford) Ms Joan Ryan (Enfield North) Martin Salter (Reading West) Mohammad Sarwar (Glasgow Central) Miss Alison Seabeck (Plymouth Devonport) Jonathan Shaw (Chatham & Aylesford)
Barry Sheerman (Huddersfield) Jim Sheridan (Paisley and Renfrewshire North) Ms Clare Short (Birmingham Ladywood) Alan Simpson (Nottingham South) Marsha Singh (Bradford West) Dennis Skinner (Bolsover) Andrew Slaughter (Ealing, Acton & Shepherd’s Bush) Andrew Smith (Oxford East) Ms Angela C. Smith (Sheffield Hillsborough) Ms Angela E Smith (Basildon) Ms Jacqui Smith (Redditch) Anne Snelgrove (Swindon South) Sir Peter Soulsby (Leicester South) Ms Helen Southworth (Warrington South) Dr Phyllis Starkey (Milton Keynes South West) Ian Stewart (Eccles) Howard Stoate (Dartford) Dr Gavin Strang (Edinburgh East) Graham Stringer (Manchester Blackley) Ms Gisela Stuart (Birmingham Edgbaston) Gerry Sutcliffe (Bradford South) Mark Tami (Alyn & Deeside) Ms Dari Taylor (Stockton South) David Taylor (Leicestershire North West) Gareth Thomas (Harrow West) Stephen Timms (East Ham) Paddy Tipping (Sherwood), Don Touhig (Islwyn) Jon Trickett (Hemsworth)
Paul Truswell (Pudsey) Dr Desmond Turner (Brighton Kemptown) Neil Turner (Wigan) Derek Twigg (Halton) Kitty Ussher (Burnley) Rudi Vis (Finchley & Golders Green) Ms Joan Walley (Stoke-on-Trent North) Lynda Waltho (Stourbridge) Tom Watson (West Bromwich East) Alan Whitehead (Southampton Test) Malcolm Wicks (Croydon North) Alan Williams (Swansea West) Mrs Betty Williams (Conwy) Michael Wills (Swindon North) David Winnick (Walsall North) Ms Rosie Winterton (Doncaster Central) Mike Wood (Batley & Spen) Shaun Woodward (St Helens South) Anthony Wright (Great Yarmouth) David Wright (Telford) Iain Wright (Hartlepool) Dr Tony Wright (Cannock Chase) Derek Wyatt (Sittingbourne & Sheppey)

The above named are in red as they are Labour MP's, but they should also be red with embarrassment when you look at the carnage they have wreaked within the hospitality industry! Apparently they are all working for YOU, except when they followed the party line in a "free vote" they instantly stopped working for you because so far they have voted to close 4,352 businesses. Businesses that were once viable sources of income for licensees, tenants, manager et al. They never once thought of the consequences of their actions that day. They never once questioned the validity of the SCOTH report or the junk science behind the SB proposal. They simply got carried away on the wave of euphoria created by the health lobby promoting clean air! How many now rue that decision to vote for the smokeban? How many are banned from entering their local pubs or clubs?
If you read this Patricia Hewitt/Peter Soulsby-you most certainly ARE!
Come election day it is only to be hoped that you all sweat a little as your fate is decided by the people of this country-but don't hold your breath for too long! I know a few on the list have already gone (thank God) and some are in public disgrace-porn video's, extravagant expenses etc but when voting day comes around expect to be relieved of duty, relieved of rather large wage packets, relieved of virtually unlimited expense accounts (well, until you get collared!)
You have divided this country, set man against man in following the dictatorship of the egomaniac Blair. Did you not notice that he stepped down 3 days before the SB came into force? Did you not notice that this country was ruined before he handed over to the No10 wannabe?
The only saving grace as far as Blair/Britain is concerned is that he is not Euro President!
55million people should sigh in great relief at that outcome. As for the 'wannabe', Herr Brown, after the election he will be gone-and totally forgotten for the man has about as much charisma as a dead rat!

The next list is to the shame of the Tories:-
David Amess (Southend West) James Arbuthnot (Hampshire North East) Tony Baldry (Banbury) John Bercow (Buckingham) Sir Paul Beresford (Mole Valley) Peter Bone (Wellingborough) Tim Boswell (Daventry) Peter Bottomley (Worthing West) Julian Brazier (Canterbury) James Brokenshire (Hornchurch) Alistair Burt (Bedfordshire North East) Greg Clark (Tunbridge Wells) Stephen Crabb (Preseli Pembrokeshire)
David Curry (Skipton & Ripon) Mrs Nadine Dorries (Bedfordshire Mid) Tobias Ellwood (Bournemouth East) David Evennett (Bexleyheath & Crayford) Michael Fabricant (Lichfield) Ms Justine Greening (Putney) John Greenway (Ryedale) Oliver Heald (Hertfordshire North East) Michael Jack (Fylde) David Jones (Clwyd West) Daniel Kawczynski (Shrewsbury & Atcham) Robert Key (Salisbury) Mrs Eleanor Laing (Epping Forest) Mark Lancaster (Milton Keynes North East) David Lidington (Aylesbury) Peter Luff (Worcestershire Mid) Anne Main (St Albans) Patrick Mercer (Newark) Anne Milton (Guildford) James Paice (Cambridgeshire South East) Michael Penning (Hemel Hempstead)
John Penrose (Weston-Super-Mare) John Randall (Uxbridge) Andrew Rosindell (Romford) Lee Scott (Ilford North) Andrew Selous (Bedfordshire South West) Grant Shapps (Welwyn Hatfield) Mrs Caroline Spelman (Meriden) Sir John Stanley (Tonbridge & Malling) Gary Streeter (Devon South West) Shailesh Vara (Cambridgeshire North West) Rob Wilson (Reading East) Jeremy Wright (Rugby & Kenilworth) Sir George Young (Hampshire North West)

I know that some on this list have now changed tack somewhat for they have seen the folly of that "free vote". It would seem that the Tories are more for the working classes than the 'working man's party'-who have done bugger all for 'their own'! If the Tories cannot see the obvious and set their stall out to reform the SB then there is no hope for this country whatsoever. There is no money in circulation to speak of, yet filling pubs & clubs with happy drinkers is the easiest source of getting the economy moving again. In years gone by just how many arguments were there between smoker & non smoker? Virtually none, but this evil, divisive law has set one against t'other to such an extent that a hatred has been born.
To the Tory hopefuls I say this:- you have been gifted the next term of government by the most useless and inadequate Labour administration ever known to this country. Listen to your voters, reform the ban to suit all parties, give licensees the chance to run their businesses how they see fit instead of allowing them to watch all their hard work go down the toilet of bankruptcy & poverty.
Your time is coming early next year, prepare wisely for you have many young hopefuls in the wings ready to play their part in British politics. The health lobby and the quango's need to be subdued befor civil disorder breaks out-you have the chance to appease the nation, do not baulk at the prospect!

Liberal Democrats:-
I can't be bothered listing the 47 Libdems who voted for the SB as they are basically a nonentity party with no particular direction. Why they are named such (Liberal) is beyond the comprehension of this humble scribbler, for there is

No liberalism in voting to leperise 15 million people in your own country.
No liberalism in voting to close 4,352 businesses.
No liberalism invoting to cause 37 unnecessary bankruptcies.
No liberalism in causing more than 100 couple to become homeless.
No liberalism in voting to occasion 4 suicides &
No liberalism in voting to put 100,000 people out of work!

It also brings the word 'democratic/democracy' into question. If they pick up anymore seats next year it will merely be the losses from the Labour benches but from my apolitical stance, if I were Nick Clegg, I would be looking over my shoulder for Nigel Farage and the rampaging UKIP mob. You see, UKIP have balls-the LibDems don't!
So the message is simple from Simple Simon, if your MP or prospective candidate is in favour of providing choice then vote for him/her. If they are not, simply support someone who is! Whatever you do please do not, NOT vote for taking a vote away from a future 'turd' is still a victory.
To abstain from voting will be a crime for every single person needs to take charge of his/her destiny, it's no good moaning after the event when you could have had a hand in changing things.
If you want your pubs & clubs to survive then get your 'roodypoos' in the voting booths next March, April or May. Show the 'turd's' the doorway to oblivion-see if they have to 'sign on'?

Thursday, 17 December 2009

“A Pub Co Christmas Carol”

I've borrowed this from the Pub Lovers Blog
-a 'must read and pass on' job!

It was 11.30 pm Christmas Eve 2009, a foul night, freezing with sleet and snow, gale force winds roaring across the West Country.
The M5 was blocked and a few diversions were in place, the North Coast Road was the only one open to Cornwall and that was blocked on Countisbury Hill.
Two cars were pushing along, one following the other and the one in front kept going because the other was behind.
The diversion from the M5 had taken them through Minehead from Taunton, not an easy drive, Porlock Hill was just manageable with loads of salt and grit.
Just before Culbone Stables another diversion to the left, down into the Doone Valley where there was very little snow and some icy roads, by- passing Countisbury Hill.
The two cars picked their way carefully down the narrow lane, one a dark grey Aston Martin and the other a silver Mercedes.
It had taken ten hours to get this far from the Midlands, both drivers hoping to get to Cornwall for Christmas.
Both cars were slipping on patchy ice along the lanes, their speeds far slower than the speeds that they were built for, stupid driving was not on the agenda. They passed through a hamlet and up an incline beside the East Lyn River, which was in full flood and not a place to skid into on a dark night.
The incline flattened and then descended down, both cars slowed to a crawl and inched down the hill to a pub with a car park beside the river.
The road immediately started to rise on the other side of the pub and they realised that neither would be going anywhere with the ice on the road and gently reversed into the pub car park overlooking the river.
The lights were on and it looked like a haven in the wilderness with a big fire flickering through the windows.
There were no cars in either car park.
Both drivers climbed out of their cars with hats pulled down and collars up and dashed for the pub door, they stepped in and shut the door quickly.
A large jovial man dressed as Father Christmas, behind the bar chortled “Happy Christmas”, both drivers grunted about how foul the weather was and made a beeline for the seats on either side of the fire, removing their coats as they sat down.
The bar was decorated with holly and festive decorations, carols were playing quietly in the background, the subtleties of Christmas celebration were wasted on the two exhausted drivers.
The jovial Father Christmas brought over two large glasses of mulled wine and several mince pies and said that they were on the house, since all his usual customers were long gone.
The two drivers looked at each other and one said “You’re Ebenezer Tuppense from Titanic Inns”, the other said “You’re Silas Morley fron Judy Taverns, we haven’t talked since that disaster at the Select Committee.”
Ebenezer said “I think we will drink the mulled wine and forget that episode”.
They both drank the warming wine and lapsed into a near totally relaxed state, in fact any movement was an effort.
Both men felt a gentle squeeze on their shoulders and came to.
The large jovial Father Christmas said to them “I am the Ghost of Christmas Past, come and join me.”
The door opened, the wind had stopped blowing and all three stepped outside.
They were both bemused but in a fuddled state and the jovial giant picked them up and they all three zoomed upwards and Eastwards.
Neither felt cold or terrified as they sped back across Exmoor, Taunton with the lights flickering, the M5 snaking Northwards covered in snow with lines of stationary cars with twinkling lights.
Swinging West along the A303, over Andover, Basingstoke, the River Thames was shimmering in the moonlight meandering through the white countryside.
They finally floated down on to the car park of a pub in a small village called Laleham on Thames.
The pub was called “The Ash Tree”, it didn’t look inspiring, there were some very old cars parked outside, all covered in snow and not a place that either would frequent.
All three walked into the pub, nobody even noticed them, the pub was packed, everyone was singing carols and having a fabulous time, the staff were all working like mad, the landlord Frank was everywhere, the two had never seen a pub as busy as this for years.
The Ghost of Christmas Past eased them out of the door for a short walk towards the centre of the village and the “Saracens Head”, this was a much smaller pub, but again, this was packed with people enjoying themselves and celebrating Christmas Eve, they were all local people, the same as those in “The Ash Tree”.
The Ghost eased them once again out of the door, they appeared to be invisible, nobody noticed.
They walked round the corner by the village church and a hundred yards further on was the “Five Horse Shoes”, there were some wonderful old sports cars parked outside, again covered in snow.
They walked in, again the pub was packed with young people and a few older ones all enjoying themselves celebrating Christmas, it was a beautiful pub with genuine beams, polished brass and a big fire.
Stanley the licensee was dispensing hospitality to everyone.
The two looked at each other, their thoughts were the same what incredible businesses.
The Ghost once again eased them out of the door again and said that they must get back because time was limited, they flew West to Exmoor and back to their seats in front of the pub fire.
They both immediately started to doze, the door flew open and a lady in a long white cloak with fur trimming came in clutching a book, in fact she looked just like Bridget Jones with her Diary.
She looked at our two weary travellers and said, “I am the Ghost of Christmas Present, come and join me.”
She took them both up and over Exmoor, in exactly the same way as the Ghost of Christmas Past, finally landing in “The Ash Tree” car park, there was one car in the car park and a fairly old one at that.
All three walked into the pub it was looking tired, there were three customers and a manager from the Management Company running the place.
They were discussing how many people had failed in the pub, because the rent was too high, the discounts were non existent and people couldn’t make a fair living.
All three moved out very quickly the whole thing was totally depressing, the “Saracens Head” further down the road towards the village centre was boarded up, with a tired business agents sign hanging off the wall saying business opportunity, and looked as though it had been there for a long time.
Once again they walked round the church and could see the illuminated sign of the “Five Horse Shoes”.
Three cars were in the car park, the door opened and a scruffily dressed man walked past them.
They entered the bar that had been so vibrant and fun, the air was subdued, piped pop music was blaring out with about six customers and a tired barman.
The conversation once again was about greedy landlords or Pub Co’s, the difference was the same, nothing had been invested in the pub, a succession of inexperienced people who had all failed miserably because the landlords draconian demands had been too much for any to survive.
All the time the Ghost of Christmas Present was scribbling in her Diary, she finally took them outside much to their relief and transported them back to the West and the comfortable chair by the fire side in the Exmoor pub.
They sank into the chairs almost exhausted, she gently opened the door and departed.
It seemed no time at all when the pub door opened a large man in Prison Warders Garb came in, he looked familiar and could easily have been mistaken for the Chairman of the Select Committee who both our weary travellers had managed to incur some scathing comments from.
He approached our two very weary travellers and said, “I am the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, please come and join me”.
They both pleaded that they had driven miles and been transported miles and their systems had reached breaking point and they had no desire to see the final ignominy of what had been three brilliant pubs.
He said, “You won’t, you are going into the future in another direction and have no option.”
They staggered to their feet and walked outside the Ghost whisked them upwards and Westwards, across Barnstaple, Okehampton.
Tavistock was away to the right, they were crossing the centre of Dartmoor, the prison loomed up, with Princetown beside it.
They floated down through the prison wall on to a walkway with rows of old cells in front of them.
Two grey haired and bearded figures were peering out of the cell, the doors were open, they looked familiar, their hands were gnarled and callused, they appeared to stoop with premature old age.
The terrible premonition that these two sub normal beings might be them, sent shivers down both their spines, the Ghost looked at them both and nodded having read their minds.
Their legs and hands were shackled, they shuffled out of the cell and joined a queue of other convicts, who were then chained into gangs.
All the gangs moved through the security gates and doors eventually getting on a flat top behind an engine on the narrow gauge rail track heading for the Prison Quarry.
Having arrived at the quarry the tools were handed out and they all started breaking rocks in their respective gangs.
Only one did not and he drove the engine, they realised that it was Sid Mayell the Chief Rent Negotiator for Titanic Inns, he always loved trains.
They both looked at the ghost dressed in his Prison Warders outfit and mentally asked the same question, “What happened?”
“It’s a long story, the Select Committee were furious that nothing was done and got the new Government to bring in legislation to outlaw increasing rents and over valuing the freehold without considering true business viability and declared it a Ponzi Scheme, since so many people had lost billions of pounds buying leases that were not viable. Every Pub Owning company that followed that method, at least one director, accountant or valuer whose idea to follow suit was held liable. The Government directed that all people with a justifiable claim against the company even retrospectively could do so, this caused the total collapse of the majority of large Pub Co’s, the directors were held personally liable because it was deemed a criminal act, consequently you both lost everything and were sentenced to fifty years hard labour without reprieve.”
They both said, “What happened to our families?”
“They are living in high rise Council Flats in the Midlands on Social Security with many other prisoners families.”
Silas said, “What happened to my house in the Caribbean?”
“That got flattened in a hurricane and your insurance had not been paid.”
The Ghost said, “ Have a look at some of your fellow convicts and the guards”
Again the terrible realization that there were loads of corporate Pub Co Directors breaking rocks and the guards were all ex licensees, they actually made more money as guards than running pubs.
They were both in total shock, much to their relief the Ghost whisked them away from that awful scene and dropped them back in their chairs in front of the fire on Exmoor.
They were woken by the jovial Father Christmas saying the gritter had been through, the weather had warmed up and they could continue their journey.
They both looked at each other and said that they had had the most dreadful dreams and realised that they were both exactly the same, both were in a state of shock.
They put their coats on and walked out of the door thanking the licensee for his generosity and walked to the railings around the car park over looking the river.
They both said, “Were we really that bad?” and sadly they agreed, “What can we do to make amends?”
“We can do an awful lot if we really try, we need some people that really understand the industry and licensees, we also need to listen to licensees.”
“Let’s see if we can put the clock back, I would prefer to have pubs like those in the past and make honest money for everyone”
The lights had been turned out on the pub and it was very dark as they climbed into their cars.
They started their engines and the lights came on, showing a boarded up pub with a sagging sign with a faded Titanic Inns Freehouse sign and a sagging banner acquired by Judy Taverns, closed until further notice.
They both felt a cold shiver run through their bodies as though something had just walked over their graves.
It must have happened they still had the after taste of the mulled wine in their mouths.
Looking at the dashboard clocks in their cars it said 11.30 pm????
Please email this to anyone that may appreciate the story and every BDM and Pub Co Director that might benefit.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Twatted - yes, twatted

I often wonder why I pay the exhorbitant BBC licence fee when I am continually bombarded by crap programmes. I listen to the news religiously yet the 'beeb' only report what the government want us to hear, like-
We are winning the war in Afghanistan (but sadly, the 102nd soldier was killed today) ...

The Department of Health have reported that 1 million smokers have kicked the habit (but tobacco sales have increased) ...

The Chancellor has introduced the new "scrappage scheme" whereby you get £2K off a new car, subject to terms & conditions (yet another bumfluff scheme to help out the flailing car industry) ...

The economic downturn is inevitable, but we will pull through (hope we don't have to declare what is really going on here?) ...

The NHS have declared that you are four times more likely to quit smoking with their help (excuse me here but a 98.4% failure rate is hardly inspiring is it!)

The Chancellor has admitted that we are now in a recession (shit! I've had to use the "R" word) ...

The Chancellor has now declared we only need to borrow £173bn to stave of bankruptcy(pardon?) ...

The Prime Minister is heading the "G20" summit of world (w)bankers to solve the global economic crisis (thanks Gordon-that cost us another £53m ffs!) ...

The government are considering banning cigarette machines to stop the kids taking up smoking (kids these days would rather walk out of the pub with the machine and sell the contents!) ...

In a new initiative we are now training the Afghani police force (oops! one of them went on shooting spree against us!) ...

It's bloody endless, it really is.

So, tonight I decided ITV might be the call, after all, they are not bought and paid for by our dearly beloved nanny state - are they?
To my absolute astonishment I watched more of our taxes being wasted as we are now urged to 'save the planet' by driving 5 miles a day less.


5 miles a day less? WTF are they on about?

6 months ago they wanted me to trade in my old faithful under their so called scrappage scheme but, of course, 'poor man-on-the-street' little old me couldn't afford such matters of importance. Anyway, I don't drive many miles per day for my work as it's all local stuff.

So sat and thought about this negative 5 mile biz, let's see how it pans out:-

I need the estate car for my work as it carries all my kit in it when needed-roof rack and all! So, the last 7 jobs could not have happened without the vehicle as the furthest destination was 4.2 miles. So, perhaps if I sell my worthy chariot and 'sign on' next week I will have done my bit to 'save the planet'! Will they accept that reasoning when I sign on? Just how many benefits could I actually claim? I haven't a clue-perhaps I need to nip down to Dover and find me a freshly landed asylum seeker for they always seem to know exactly what they can claim. Better still should I declare to be his brother then I will also get free housing?

Then I got to thinking about Copenhagen & the climate summit. All these delegates flying in from around the globe must have caused uncountable tonnes of carbon emissions which makes my (maximum) 4.2 mile travelling distance (emissions) pale into insignificance.
So I can languish on the dole to save my 5 miles a day while these poncey 'twats' (trans world air turmoil saviours) junkett around the world on stinking great airliners spouting utter garbage about saving the very thing they are violently polluting.

Do you wanna know something?

I feel like I'm being TWATTED!
Do you?