Twatted - yes, twatted

I often wonder why I pay the exhorbitant BBC licence fee when I am continually bombarded by crap programmes. I listen to the news religiously yet the 'beeb' only report what the government want us to hear, like-
We are winning the war in Afghanistan (but sadly, the 102nd soldier was killed today) ...

The Department of Health have reported that 1 million smokers have kicked the habit (but tobacco sales have increased) ...

The Chancellor has introduced the new "scrappage scheme" whereby you get £2K off a new car, subject to terms & conditions (yet another bumfluff scheme to help out the flailing car industry) ...

The economic downturn is inevitable, but we will pull through (hope we don't have to declare what is really going on here?) ...

The NHS have declared that you are four times more likely to quit smoking with their help (excuse me here but a 98.4% failure rate is hardly inspiring is it!)

The Chancellor has admitted that we are now in a recession (shit! I've had to use the "R" word) ...

The Chancellor has now declared we only need to borrow £173bn to stave of bankruptcy(pardon?) ...

The Prime Minister is heading the "G20" summit of world (w)bankers to solve the global economic crisis (thanks Gordon-that cost us another £53m ffs!) ...

The government are considering banning cigarette machines to stop the kids taking up smoking (kids these days would rather walk out of the pub with the machine and sell the contents!) ...

In a new initiative we are now training the Afghani police force (oops! one of them went on shooting spree against us!) ...

It's bloody endless, it really is.

So, tonight I decided ITV might be the call, after all, they are not bought and paid for by our dearly beloved nanny state - are they?
To my absolute astonishment I watched more of our taxes being wasted as we are now urged to 'save the planet' by driving 5 miles a day less.

Me?

5 miles a day less? WTF are they on about?

6 months ago they wanted me to trade in my old faithful under their so called scrappage scheme but, of course, 'poor man-on-the-street' little old me couldn't afford such matters of importance. Anyway, I don't drive many miles per day for my work as it's all local stuff.

So sat and thought about this negative 5 mile biz, let's see how it pans out:-

I need the estate car for my work as it carries all my kit in it when needed-roof rack and all! So, the last 7 jobs could not have happened without the vehicle as the furthest destination was 4.2 miles. So, perhaps if I sell my worthy chariot and 'sign on' next week I will have done my bit to 'save the planet'! Will they accept that reasoning when I sign on? Just how many benefits could I actually claim? I haven't a clue-perhaps I need to nip down to Dover and find me a freshly landed asylum seeker for they always seem to know exactly what they can claim. Better still should I declare to be his brother then I will also get free housing?

Then I got to thinking about Copenhagen & the climate summit. All these delegates flying in from around the globe must have caused uncountable tonnes of carbon emissions which makes my (maximum) 4.2 mile travelling distance (emissions) pale into insignificance.
So I can languish on the dole to save my 5 miles a day while these poncey 'twats' (trans world air turmoil saviours) junkett around the world on stinking great airliners spouting utter garbage about saving the very thing they are violently polluting.

Do you wanna know something?

I feel like I'm being TWATTED!
Do you?